Therapy for men, online across New Zealand

Who is this page for?

This page is for men in New Zealand who are weighing up whether to see a psychologist, and for partners and mates doing the research on their behalf. It covers why men tend to get help later, what men commonly bring, what practical therapy involves, how online sessions work, and how to choose a male or female psychologist at Mindwell.

Why men in New Zealand get help later, and less often

Most men don't avoid help because they don't care. They avoid it because of rules learned early: sort it out yourself, don't make it anyone else's problem, keep going. Those rules are useful on a job site or in a milking shed at 5am. They are less useful when the problem is six months of broken sleep and a short fuse the kids have started to notice.

The New Zealand data fits that picture. The Health Research Council notes that men are less likely than women to seek help from primary health care, even when the problem is serious, and that men are under-represented in depression and anxiety statistics but over-represented in suicide statistics. In the 2024/25 New Zealand Health Survey, men reported high psychological distress at about two-thirds the rate women did, yet were nearly twice as likely to be drinking at hazardous levels. Distress doesn't disappear. It changes form.

In practice: a man who tells himself he'll see how things go over summer, then over the next season; a GP visit about a sore back when the real problem is the marriage; a partner who has been saying "you should talk to someone" for a year. By the time many men book, the problem has had a long run. It can still be worked on.

If you are thinking about suicide or don't feel safe right now, call or text 1737, free, 24/7, or call 111 if you are in immediate danger. You don't need to have the words ready.

What men commonly bring to therapy

Men come with the same range of problems as anyone else. What differs is often how the problem shows up and how it gets described. Common starting points:

• Stress and burnout. A business that depends on you, a season that can't be paused, a redundancy, or a role you've outgrown but can't leave because of the mortgage. See burnout and work stress.
• Anger and irritability. Snapping at the kids, going silent for days, swearing at traffic, a reputation at work for being hard to deal with. Our anger page goes into this.
• Relationship strain. A partner who says you're never really there, arguments that go in circles, a separation, or the drift after children arrive.
• Low mood that doesn't look like sadness. Pulling away from mates, drinking more, gaming until 2am, working longer, caring less. A 2013 study in JAMA Psychiatry found that when anger attacks, substance use and risk-taking are counted as symptoms, men's rates of depression are similar to women's. The standard checklist misses them.
• Trauma. A crash, an assault, a death on the job, military or emergency-service work, or things from childhood never said out loud. See trauma therapy.
• Performance pressure. Sport, study, a new role, or feeling everyone else has it worked out.
• Fatherhood. A new baby, teenagers, a custody arrangement, or realising you're parenting the way you were parented and not liking it.
• Sleep. Lying awake running through the day, or shift work that has wrecked your rhythm.

None of these need a label before you book. A psychologist will usually ask about drinking, sleep and physical health, because they are often part of the picture.

What therapy involves, and why it isn't just talking

A common reason men don't book is a picture of therapy as sitting in a room being asked how you feel about your mother. Evidence-based psychological therapy doesn't look like that.

A 2018 review of 46 studies on engaging men in psychological treatment found that men tend to do better with therapy that is clearly structured, transparent and goal-oriented, explains how it works and what progress looks like, and is collaborative and action-focused. That describes the approaches our team uses:

• CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) works on the link between what you think, what you do and how you feel: mapping a bad week in detail, spotting the patterns that keep it going, and testing different moves. More on CBT.
• ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) is about working out what you want your life to be about and doing more of it, even when stress, worry or low mood come along for the ride. More on ACT.
• DBT skills are concrete techniques for emotions that arrive fast and physical: bringing your body down when anger spikes, riding out an urge to drink or walk off, and staying in a hard conversation. More on DBT.

Sessions usually have a shape. You agree what you're working on, learn something specific, try it between sessions, and review what happened. You don't have to cry, dig up your childhood or have a breakthrough. You do have to be honest about what is going on, which gets easier once it's clear the person on the screen wants to solve the problem, not judge you for it.

Book a session How booking works →

Online, from wherever you are

Plenty of men would never walk into a clinic. Someone might see the car. The receptionist might know your mother. Taking a half-day off to drive into town is its own kind of announcement. Online removes most of that.

Sessions at Mindwell are 50-minute video calls through Carepatron, which runs in a browser with nothing to download. You can take them from a parked ute at the end of a job, a site office with the door shut, the tractor cab with the engine off, or the spare room after the kids are asleep. Shift workers, people on the road and anyone outside a main centre get the same access as anyone else.

The evidence supports it. A 2021 meta-analysis of more than 100 studies found psychotherapy by video no less effective than in-person treatment, with the strongest evidence for cognitive-behavioural approaches to mood and anxiety problems. See our guide on whether online therapy works, and how it works for the practical setup.

Cultural safety for Māori and Pasifika men

For many Māori and Pasifika men the question isn't only "will this help?" but "will I have to leave part of myself at the door?" Cultural safety means you shouldn't have to. It means your culture, your values and the people who matter to you are welcome in therapy, and that you, not the psychologist, are the judge of whether the care feels safe.

Jake Meads, Counselling Psychologist, draws on his whakapapa and on Māori frameworks such as Te Whare Tapa Whā, and works with anxiety, anger and irritability, trauma and depression. Whoever you see, you're welcome to bring a support person to a session if you wish, such as a partner, a family or whānau member, or a friend, and your cultural needs are always welcome in the room.

If a kaupapa Māori or Pacific-led service would suit you better, or alongside private sessions, your GP or local health provider can connect you with what is available in your area.

Choosing a male or female psychologist

You can choose. Mindwell's team includes three male psychologists, Jake Meads, Jeremy Mason and Dan Kerr, and five female psychologists, and you pick who you see when you book. If you have no preference, take the first available appointment.

Some men want a male psychologist because it feels easier to be blunt, or because the problem involves things they have never said to a woman. Others deliberately choose a woman, because the relationships they're struggling with are with women, or because a man feels too close to the mates and brothers they can't talk to. Both are reasonable. The research on engaging men points to approach, structured, collaborative and practical, as what matters most; gender is a fair starting point, and fit is what you judge once you've met.

If it doesn't feel right, you can ask to see a different psychologist on the team at any time. Our guide on choosing a psychologist covers what else to look for.

When to involve your GP, and what else is out there

Private therapy is one option, and not always the first one. See your GP if you've been drinking heavily to cope, if low mood has lasted more than a few weeks, if sleep has collapsed, or if you're having thoughts that life isn't worth living. A GP can check physical causes, discuss whether medication is relevant, and connect you with free support such as the Access and Choice programme in many practices.

Some services exist specifically for men. Man Alive works with men, families and whānau in Auckland and Northland, including counselling and living-without-violence programmes. Men and Trauma New Zealand offers counselling and peer support groups nationwide for men who have experienced trauma and abuse. Many employers provide free, confidential EAP sessions. If what you're dealing with stems from sexual abuse or assault, ACC-funded support is available through Safe to Talk and findsupport.co.nz; Mindwell is not an ACC provider.

If anger has turned into violence towards a partner or family member, a psychologist can be part of the picture, but specialist family violence services need to be involved too. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 111.

What to expect at Mindwell

Jake Meads is a Counselling Psychologist with an interest in men's wellbeing, including working with young men. His other areas of interest include anxiety, anger and irritability, trauma, depression, stress and coping skills, sleep, alcohol and substance misuse including gaming addiction, employment-related issues, and gym and mental health. He works with CBT, ACT, DBT and mindfulness-based approaches, and his style is practical and skills-focused. Jeremy Mason is a Clinical Psychologist who works with eating disorders, chronic pain, anxiety, trauma and PTSD, OCD, depression, ADHD, sleep, and work stress and burnout, drawing on CBT, ACT, DBT and cognitive processing therapy (CPT). Dan Kerr is a Registered Psychologist who works with trauma, stress, anxiety and depression, with EMDR at the centre of his trauma work, alongside CBT and ACT.

Sessions are 50 minutes by secure video and cost $199 + GST ($228.85 incl. GST), paid by card when you book; Stripe adds a processing fee of 2.9% + 60¢. No GP referral is needed, and first sessions are typically available within 7 days. After booking you'll get a confirmation email with your video link and calendar invite, then a short intake form that takes about five minutes. The first session covers what's going on, how long it has been building, what you've tried and what you want to be different, and usually ends with a plan. Sessions are usually weekly or fortnightly; we need 48 hours' notice to cancel or reschedule.

We provide receipts for health-insurance claims. What you tell us is confidential under the Health Information Privacy Code 2020 and shared only with your consent or where the law requires or allows it.

Related support: Anger management · Stress and burnout · Depression counselling · Relationships and attachment